Don't have time to watch all of Doctor Who in order? Or do have time, but would rather spend it doing literally anything else?
Well, great news. I have done it for you. Here you will find a quite accurate and occasionally amusing account of what definitely happened in every Doctor Who story. More or less.
The Ark in Space
Doctor Who has taken his friends, Harry and Sarah, into space to see what that's like. They have arrived on a space station in the future. There's no-one else about, so they can do what they want.
To their credit, they don't instantly start stealing things. Instead, they do an investigate. Well, Doctor Who and Sarah do.
Harry is just staring at the TARDIS in disbelief. Travelling to the future in a little blue box has altered his entire perception of space and time. However, he is far too much of a gentleman to make a fuss, and so just says "Gosh" and "Crikey" for a bit, before settling down to enjoy the adventure.
Soon Doctor Who finds that the entire human race is on the space station, wrapped in freezer bags and having a long sleep.
Harry is carrying his shoes about for some reason. I can't quite remember why. Maybe he is just super polite, and always takes his shoes off when he enters someone's house. That said, he still has his blazer on, which suggests he might leave at any minute if the conversation becomes tedious.
Eventually some humans turn up, and say, "Hi, we've been frozen asleep for hundreds of years. What's been going on?"
They then discover that some of the frozen humans are missing. That woman in the background is staring at an empty freezer compartment, wondering where her friend has gone.
Sarah and Harry are wondering if now is a tactful time to leave. They haven't done anything wrong, but Sarah knows from experience that when people's friends die, what they absolutely don't need is Doctor Who being insufferably zany all over the grieving process.
Doctor Who decides to investigate the mystery of the missing humans. Here we see him striding purposefully. Doctor Who has worked out that if he strides purposefully, people will follow him about and assume he knows what is going on.
He does not know what is going on. In fact, you can tell by his face that he has already forgotten where they are and which adventure this is.
Doctor Who soon discovers a giant alien wasp thing. He instantly starts playing with it, while everyone else looks on in silent horror.
Well. The space woman is doing silent horror. Harry is just confused. Why is there a giant wasp? Why is it in space? Why is Doctor Who playing with it and pulling bits out of its brain? Is this what life is going to be like now? Watching a badly dressed madman do the most horrific things possible, in space?
Sarah is just deeply embarrassed. You can't take Doctor Who anywhere.
After a bit, the alien wasps take over one of the humans. He tries to pretend they haven't for a bit, but soon he is covered in green stuff, and even the most polite of his friends is forced to point out that he has something on his face.
He responds by shouting, "Die humans!" and instantly regrets his candour.
This is what the Alien Wasps look like. Which is to say, gross. They wobble about for a bit, shouting at the humans and demanding they be allowed to lay eggs in everyone's stomachs.
The humans say, "Absolutely not!" and ask Doctor Who to make the wasps go away please. Which he does, by murdering them all with explosions. None of that "Oh, but they're a noble race" nonsense this week. He just goes, "Die evil wasps!" and blows them up.
Good old Doctor Who. Making the universe a safer place, one genocide at a time.
Tune in here, for the next exciting adventure - The Sontaran Experiment.
Or go back in time, to the story of the Giant Robot!
No comments:
Post a Comment