And a very good morning to you sir!
You join me in the mid 1970s, watching another series of Doctor Who. I've taken photos of the best bits, and - lucky you - I'm going to present them to you, with a half remembered account of what is going on.
God bless the internet, eh?
The Sontaran Experiment
In this story, Doctor Who's best friend Sarah finds herself on a hill, in the middle of nowhere, in a horrible outfit. Last week, they were all having an adventure in space. Then Doctor Who said 'Let's go to Future Earth and see what that's like."
I think the big shiny ball things are there to help you magically zoom down to Future Earth. Sarah has zoomed down, only to find that Doctor Who either
a) hasn't bothered,
b) got distracted by something he found in his pocket
c) did some bad maths and is now asphyxiating in space
d) is playing a trick on her, and is somewhere laughing hysterically at his own brilliance.
Harry, meanwhile, has fallen down a ravine. He also followed Doctor Who's mad whim to go play on Future Earth, only to find that Future Earth is full of holes.
I can't remember who Harry is looking at here, but I wouldn't want to be them. His face suggests that yes, he is a reasonable man who puts a high premium on good manners and tolerance, but also - if you don't help him out of this hole - he is quite prepared to break your skull in half.
This is the bad guy for this story. He is a Sontaran. You may remember the Sontarans from "Doctor Who goes back into history and meets the Sontarans and tells them they are jerks, and ugly jerks, and stupid ugly jerks who should stop messing about in history."
Doctor Who had a point. This guy looks extra nightmarish. It's like someone gave a child a crayon and asked it to draw Freud's concept of the Uncanny.
The Sontaran - who is called Styre or Stick or something similar - is here on Future Earth to do Experiments. At least that's what he tells Doctor Who, when he is caught tieing men up out on the moors. He says it's all about testing the psychological limits of human endurance. For military strategic purposes.
That's why he's dressed in leather, and leering out of his spaceship at the tied up men in a manner that can only be described as coquettish. It's all to do with military strategic purposes.
I think I've worked out why he subsequently tries to murder Doctor Who and his friends and silence them forever.
As well as Styre, there is some kind of glam rock robot wandering around on Future Earth. It is helping with the Experiments. How is not clear. It just glides up and down the place, doing a beep.
Here it appears to be dancing.
I imagine it gets bored.
Doctor Who punches Styre to death and blows up his spaceship. He gathers his friends back by the magic shiny things and prepares to go back up into space.
His victory appears to have got his blood up, and it looks like he's saying, "If anyone else wants to try have a go, I will absolutely kick your head in too." Sarah and Harry stand behind him, trying to communicate, "We're very sorry - we're taking him home."
That's all for this story. If you enjoyed that there's more...
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