Time is Relative - Season 12: Robot

Good evening and well then. 

Welcome to this, the latest instalment of my quest to watch all of Doctor Who, and then retell it without much care for how much sense it makes. 

We're up to Season 12, but don't worry. You don't need to know anything. Just look at the lovely pictures and believe everything I say about them.

Robot

Doctor Who has got a new face. He does this every now and then, and most of his friends have gone from being astonished to just shrugging, like you would with someone who wears a different 'crazy' tie to the office every day.

This latest face is extra bonkers, and Doctor Who is clearly delighted with it. He likes the eyes (good for mad staring) and the teeth (good for unnerving grinning, and biting).

Doctor Who finds some extraordinarily weird clothes and spends most of his first day being unusual. The Brigadier, who is his best mate, was hoping that Doctor Who might have changed into someone polite and easy to spend time with.

His face suggests that things have not worked out as he wished. 

Soon there is an exciting mystery to solve. Doctor Who and the Brigadier have gone for a drive to find out about the mystery, which is something to do with people stealing space guns. To their delight, it is a sunny day, so they just spend ages playing in the sunshine.

The guy in between Doctor Who and The Brigadier is called Harry, and he is fantastic. He says things like "Gosh!" and "I say!" and "Crikey!" In this respect he is very much Penfold to Doctor Who's Dangermouse.  

Sarah Jane goes to do an investigate to see who stole the space guns. She finds a Giant Robot, who would be excellent for stealing space guns, and a Clearly Evil Woman, who would definitely enjoy having space guns stolen for her.

"We have not stolen the space guns," says the Clearly Evil Woman. You can tell from Sarah's face that she's thinking, "You definitely have, and I'm going to make sure you die alone and unloved."

The Giant Robot is a great bit of design. He's got a lot going on, shape wise, and would be fun to draw. He also has a rather jolly demeanour which suggests he laughs loudly at almost everything, and would be good company to watch Anchorman with.

As I recall, he's quite a likeable character and most of the evil stuff he gets up to isn't really his fault. He just wants to make everyone happy, and it's unfortunate that everyone he hangs out with is evil.

The Giant Robot was made by this guy, with the mental hair. The guy with mental hair on the right. He's saying, "My robot is very polite and would never steal a space gun."

Doctor Who is fascinated by this. Or at least by something. He may well have just found something in his pocket that is fun to play with. He's not really paying attention to this adventure, and is watching events in much the same way a cat might watch Jools Holland's Hootenanny.

The Brigadier looks startled. I think he is frightened by the guy's hair, and is hoping they can leave soon, before he has a panic attack.

After Doctor Who and his friends go home, the Giant Robot comes out to play with his daddy. They have a lovely time together. I think the Giant Robot wants to do a dance.

Mad hair guy is saying, "We can dance, but first we need to murder all the humans so they don't stop our evil plans."

I feel sad for the Giant Robot. He doesn't know that his daddy is insane. He probably thinks everyone's dad wants to murder people.

Doctor Who is already bored of this adventure and wants to go and play in space. The Brigadier thinks he should stay and solve the mystery of the robot and the space gun, but is having trouble getting through.

Usually at this point the Brigadier would offer Doctor Who some wine, or a selection of cold meats, or suggest they go and laugh at Sergeant Benton's new haircut. But that doesn't work with this new Doctor Who.

Now the Brigadier has loads of wine and cheese in his cupboard, and he's more of a real ale man.

The Giant Robot goes on an exciting rampage. I can't remember why. I think the Brigadier has commanded his soldiers to go arrest all the bad guys, and in response the bad guys have asked the Giant Robot to go murder the soldiers while they run off.

This is a lot of fun for all concerned, and the bad guys are really missing out.

Doctor Who is persuaded to pay attention for just long enough to do some science. He makes some Robot Killing Stuff out of chemicals. Harry is being supportive, and saying "Gosh!" and "Crumbs!" in an encouraging way, to keep Doctor Who on task. 

The Giant Robot gets zapped with some power or something, and becomes even Gianter. He runs off to the country and demands that Sarah Jane be his girlfriend, and glows red with over-excitement.

Sarah Jane is basically fine with this. All the normal people she knows are very annoying, so maybe it would be fun to spend time with a Giant Robot for a bit. Sadly for her, Doctor Who turns up with his Robot Killing Stuff, and murders her new friend, before driving off grinning like a madman.

That's how that story ends. Come back soon for more adventures with the new Doctor Who.

If you miss the old Doctor Who, his final adventures can be found here.