2012: Movies that Rob saw (part 2)

The end of the year is fast approaching, and you are faced with a problem. You'll be looking in magazines, or watching TV, and the people there will be mentioning all the films that have been on at the cinematorium, and talking about them like you've seen them. And you'll feel bewildered, and lost. "What are these films?" you'll think. "I don't have any opinion at all!" Or maybe your friends will pop in, for a croissant, and they'll say to you "So what about all those films there's been? What did you make of those?" And again that cold hand of fear will grasp your heart. What are they talking about? Best kill them!

Well, fear not. Your friends can live, and you can hold forth in a seemingly intelligent way. For here is all you need to know, about all the films of 2012.

That I've seen.

Not including the best ones. I save that for New Year's Eve.

Also, there might be some from last year that I didn't get round to seeing then so I've mentioned them here.

I'll be honest, if it's a thorough account you're after, I'd look elsewhere.


The Artist

In an age where films are waving their 3D nipple-tassles in our faces, desperate for attention like a drunk dinner lady in a Wetherspoons, it is pleasing to see a film do so well by being so resolutely unfashionable. There was no end of applause for The Artist and it was rewarded by Oscars, box office and all manner of people going "Good show!" as if they too were in black and white.

Passing opinion on The Artist is tricky, as the taste police have outlawed both disliking it ("you CGI hungry  philistine") and liking it ("you bandwagon jumping pretentious prick"). It put up a ton of barriers to the regular cinema crowd through its black and white silent-ness, while irritating people like me by winning a bunch of Academy Awards. There's nothing like an Oscar nomination to put me off a film.

Well, anyway, I liked it, and the reason I liked it is because it is good. It's funny, well played and has an awesome script (which you can find here.) Best of all, it is forced to communicate character, narrative and emotion through visuals alone (well, nearly) - a constraint which brings out the best in cinema as it is forced to look back to the brilliant, inventive pioneers who invented the language of the moving image before sound came along and made it all too easy.

Looper

Joseph Gordon Levitt waits. alone in a big, desolate field. After a while a guy materialises out of nowhere, and Joseph shoots him dead. For this Joseph gets lots of money. Why? Because the suddenly-appearing guy has been sent back, from the future, by guys who want to get rid of their enemies without any evidence. It's a bit like The Terminator would have been if he had thought to draw up a business plan.

One day, the person Joseph has to shoot is his future self - played by Bruce Willis. Oh oh! There follows an exciting adventure, full of timey-wimey paradoxes, creepy confrontations and exciting chases. It's a smart, effective thriller with one great moment after another and a couple of enjoyable lead performances. The science fiction ideas are handled just right - introduce them fast, forget about the details, get on with the story. There's some powerful film making here, and only a slight predictability towards the end stopped Looper being in my absolute top films of the year.

Cabin in the Woods

Some kids go on holiday to a cabin, in the woods, to do drugs, have sex and make cool pop-culture references to other horror films. They are well written, believable characters who venture into an insane, unbelievable world.

And then...

Every review of the film you will read, beyond the information I have just given you,  will say "Whoah, man! I can't tell you anything more about this! Oh wow! Oooo!" And they are sort of right - there are lots of things in the film that are best left discovered as you go along, and I'm certainly not going to spoil them here. But don't go into into the film thinking, as some reviews lead you to believe, that there's some kind of awesome twist that will, like, blow your mind. There isn't.

There's a fascinating central premise to Cabin in the Woods which slowly uncurls as the film progresses, becoming apparent very early on and revealing more and more of itself as the narrative develops. It is immensely satisfying and hugely enjoyable, with an almost unbearable cascade of joys and surprises.

Unless you don't like blood. Or watching people get killed in inventive, fantastical ways. If you are one of those people, I'd stay away.

Prometheus

I really, really enjoyed this. It isn't great, exactly, and the plot leaves a lot to be desired. But I loved being in the world it created - I enjoyed how real it all felt. This was a film of sensation over narrative, and in that spirit, I commend it. Sure, there was some ropey dialogue. And some of the things the characters did made no sense. And there were some moments where my suspension of disbelief said "What? Really?" But on the whole, Prometheus is a well designed, interesting film with enough interesting ideas to make it worthwhile. So it's not Alien. What is?

The Amazing Spiderman

Perfectly enjoyable and really well cast, but too similar to Sam Raimi's one ten years ago. I sat through every plot beat, just waiting to tick it off. He will get picked on. He will meet the girl. He will get bitten. He will learn how to use his powers. He will be stroppy and unwilling to accept his fate. This certain character will die. He will vow to avenge him. And so on.

When we saw this at the cinema, there was a trailer for The Dark Knight Rises, which excited me so much that I demanded to watch Batman Begins once we got home. This we did. Now, there's how to tell an origin story. A generation of cinemagoers, expecting the familiar beats of the Burton/Keaton film, are confronted by a bearded, angry Bruce Wayne, fighting monks in the snow! The dirty tone of the film, with its corrupt officials and violent deaths, is so far from Burton's dark whimsy as to feel like an utterly different story. The Amazing Spiderman was just... the same story, told slightly differently.

It was OK. If it is on TV at Christmas, I will watch it an enjoy it, and declare anew my love for Gwen Stacey. But it wasn't good enough, I'm afraid.

That'll do for now. Come back soon for more exciting highlights of the year they'll soon be calling 'last year'.