L
Shiny headed, friend of Lando Calrissian and pioneer of the wraparound i-pod. His actual job was mysterious and vague, but I suspect he organised Lando’s exotic sex parties. In his spare time I imagine him singing four part harmony with three similarly bald men in Cloud City nightclubs. I’m not saying he was gay. I’m saying he was open to new ideas.
Lovely moustache
And a cool swirling cape
Not to be trusted, though
Didn’t mention Vader’s presence on Cloud City.
Ought to have, really
Clearly fancied Leia
Although she didn’t look too impressed and
Later considered killing him for making her boyfriend all
Rigid
In Return of the Jedi he
Seemed to redeem himself at the
Sarlacc Pit
Into which he tossed
A wide variety of
No good villains
M
Mos Eisley
Most wretched hive
Of
Scum and villainy
Except it looks quite friendly for the most part
If you can cope with aliens with googly eyes
Stop in at the Cantina for a weirdly coloured drink or to
Lose an arm to an irate Jedi
Everyone’s welcome, except droids
You probably wouldn’t want to live there, unless you really , really like sand
Also known as ‘the other girl in the trilogy (if we don’t include the dancer girl who gets her norks out in the rancor pit)’. Quite why the original trilogy was so scared of female characters is hard to fathom. Except, as already discussed, we have many psychological representations of them throughout, what with all the pits and stuff. Oh, and I suppose there’s Aunt Beru. But she’s not exactly a looker, is she? Except when younger, in Clones. Owen must have been gutted that she turned out so mumsy. He still retained a kind of rugged charm in his older years, whilst I suspect that Beru smelt of milk.
It may become apparent by now that I don’t have much to say about Mon Mothma. She’s clearly in charge, as is Leia. Maybe the rebels all miss this mums, and just want someone to tell them what to do. Come to think of it, the Imperials don’t have any girls at all! No wonder they’re so cross.
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