Time is Relative - Season 8, part three.

Felicitations! It's your favourite time of the week - the time when you get to read my vague and mostly misremembered accounts of what it's like to watch old Doctor Who.

But! There are photographs. So at least you can enjoy the haircuts.

In previous blogs I have detailed Doctor Who's struggle against guys made of plastic, a machine that made 'Evil' happen and an unsettling orange space penis.

Now it's time for the last story of season 8. It's a good one.


The Daemons

This week, The Master is pretending to be a Vicar. He thinks it's going to be a lot of fun, but he's wrong - it's tedious, and he's already regretting it. This mad woman is wittering on at him about demons.

If he was just being The Master, he could shoot her with his space gun. But because he's pretending to be a Vicar, he's meant to listen and look like he cares.

He is not really doing this either, granted.

This is the bit he really wants to do. Dressing up in a mad red frock and hanging about in the cellar, under the church, where there are stone monsters to play with. He's looking at the stone monster, thinking, "I might play with it right now. I can do what I want."

The stone monster comes to life, and his eyes go all red! This is excellent fun. Say what you like about The Master, he knows how to choose cool and interesting friends.

Soon, Doctor Who turns up to ruin everything, shouting and acting like he's the boss. Stone monster looks unsure what to do about this. Most people just run away, shouting, "Oh no! The stone monster is moving and it's eyes have gone all red!" Doctor Who just tells the stone monster to get lost, and waves some metal at it. The stone monster is wondering if it's too late to just pretend to be stone again, and has gone all still.

It is too late. He moved and everything.

Doctor Who goes to the pub and tells everyone that there's some evil happening, and they should probably do everything he tells them. Many of these things will be irrelevant and nothing to do with evil, but they will make Doctor Who happy.

You can tell by the looks on everyone else's faces that they want to keep him happy, as they know what a massive pain he will be if he becomes sad.

I like how everyone in this shot has a different colour jacket on. It's a bit like Star Trek.

Surprise! Stone monster has gone outside, and now he's terrorising everyone in town. Mainly by popping up and startling them. Though I think he does make someone explode at one point.

The Brigadier, meanwhile, has got stuck outside the village, and is having to rely on this science guy to sort things out. He is pulling a face that suggests he is in a sitcom called, "Well, Crikey!"

The stone monster is telling The Master about Doctor Who being mean to him. The Master is trying to be sympathetic, and not just say, "Well, wait until it's happened about a million times, like it has to me, and then tell me about it."

It is unusual for The Master to hold a monster's hand to make it feel better. I suppose the stone monster does look extra sad.

Doctor Who and Jo go to try find the Brigadier. It's good when they go driving about outside. I think this is the bit where they get attacked by a helicopter. Jo looks vaguely bothered, while Doctor Who just looks irritated.

Come on Doctor Who! You're having an excellent adventure, with a stone monster and a helicopter in it! Smell the flowers.

The Master, meanwhile, is back under the church, doing some Spells. Except he's pretending it's Science, because Spells aren't meant to exist in Doctor Who. But they totally do. He even says Spell words.

Doctor Who finds The Brigadier. It turns out there's a big invisible barrier that means The Brigadier can't join in the adventure. If you try to walk into the barrier, you catch on fire straight away and go completely dead. This is because of the Spells that The Master was doing, you see.

I mean the Science.

Delighted by his barrier, The Master does this. Which I think is meant to be spell-stuff, but does look rather like he has got into Iron Maiden too late in life, and is overcompensating.

Jo and Mike Yates have found The Master, and are excited to observe his new obsession with Spells/Science/Iron Maiden. This is a nicely composed shot, I think.

This is my favourite character in the story. I can't remember who he is or what he does, but just look at his face! He's like the distillation of '1970s British bit part actor'. He's cross, I think, but also sneering, and disbelieving, and superior, and possibly also hungry.

I'm not sure I could make my face do that, no matter how angry/sceptical/peckish I was.

Sneery face guy gangs up on Doctor Who along with this man, who is dressed in torn up newspaper. No-one comments on any of this, so we can assume that this kind of thing happened all the time in the 1970s. They tie Doctor Who up and point guns at him. Doctor Who is furious, though knowing him, it might be that he's just not had a drink in a while.

The Master does an extra big Spell, which makes a massive monster appear. He looks great, like this, doesn't he? He's loads more fun than Doctor Who. I wish he'd win.

Raar! Look at the monster! You can't tell from this, but he's very big indeed. It's a good thing he's a monster - he's have trouble getting a job as a supply teacher, for instance.

Jo freaks right out, and starts shouting at the monster. She doesn't want to be sacrificed, which I think is what is meant to be happening. Although quite soon after, she decides she does want to be sacrificed after all, just to be contrary.

Little stone monster seems very bored, now. I don't think he likes the grown up conversation as much as he liked jumping about killing people.

For some reason, Jo's freakout drives the monster mad. He gets all confused, and decides he doesn't want to be a monster any more, and explodes.

Doctor Who stares imperiously at the monster, and pretends he is responsible for its destruction, even though the monster exploded all by itself. "I have won!" he seems to be saying.

The guy next to Jo is thinking, "I'm pretty sure Doctor Who didn't win. It was the lady, surely?" But he doesn't say, because he's dressed in a hood that clearly suggests, "I have been doing mischief," and he thinks it might count against him in an argument.



The little stone monster goes outside and jumps about for a bit, looking cool. Then the Brigadier finally turns up and blows it to pieces with guns. Or maybe that happens earlier. I don't care - I just like pictures of him. He's brill.

Then they arrest The Master, and everyone goes home. It's been a great story, and everyone is very pleased with themselves.




That's the end of season 8. Hope you enjoyed it.



Season 9 starts here.


Season 8 part two is here