Time is Relative: Season 8 part two

Like any normal person I spend a lot of my time watching Doctor Who, in broadcast order, from the start, and taking photos of scenes that please me.

I present these photos to you here, along with some helpful guidance as to what is going on. I'm basically Jesus, if Jesus had a very different idea of what 'helping' meant.


The Claws of Axos

In this story, a bunch of guys called The Axons turn up. That's them, all with golden haircuts. They've all dressed exactly the same, which is probably embarrassing for them. They should have co-ordinated before they came to earth. Now everyone will think they're total geeks.

They're saying "Hello. We love humans, and we're definitely not here to invade you and basically eat your planet."

Jo does a sneak into their spaceship. The walls are the same colour and pattern as the Axon jumpers. Jo's thinking, "I would never decorate like this. These guys are jerks!"

Jo has never been on an alien spaceship before. But she still thinks that this is probably one of the worst ones.

Doctor Who is telling the Axons that they better not try doing an invasion. He's brought a bunch of mates with him in case it kicks off. The Axons are saying, "We definitely won't. We've come to be nice. That's our main thing."



The Master show up. He'd like to help the Axons invade earth, even though their leader looks like a massive space penis.

The Master is trying not to look at the space penis. He's needs to say, "I agree - we must destroy the humans!" and he's afraid that if he looks up, he'll just involuntarily shout, "Space Penis!" instead.

Mother and Father Axon are having a chat about how the invasion is going. They think it's going pretty well and that the humans are delighted to see them.

Apart from Doctor Who, obviously. He's been a total jerk to them. But they expected that. Doctor Who is a jerk to everyone, and is famous across space.

This is a pretty cool shot. I think the Axons are making a duplicate of this guy, so he can go spy on the humans.

If I was them, I would have spent ages trying to work out why I couldn't get the hair right - not realising that it looks fake on the real guy in the first place.

The Master has escaped from talking to the Space Penis and now he's going to do some evil. Starting with killing this soldier. The soldier will be sad to die, but I don't think he's enjoying his job, so there'll be a silver lining.

Zap! The Master shoots the guy in the back. He has spent all afternoon in the room with the Space Penis, and he has some anger to work out of his system.

The Axons turn into giant splodgy monsters and attack everyone. This is a relief to all concerned, as it means that the story is nearly over.

These Axons are doing a dance in the road. They are not supposed to be. They are supposed to be doing an invade. But they don't get to go out often, and no-one will know. Weeeee!

This happens.

What is 'this', do you think?

All I know is, Jo does not like it. She is shouting, "This was the worst story already, and now there are spinning heads as well."

As always, The Master realises that his plan is stupid, and says, "Please Doctor Who, can I be on your side for a bit?"

Doctor Who heaves a heavy sigh and says yes. They team up and make the Axons die. Then Doctor Who has to listen to some very traumatised, quite Freudian stories from The Master. Then The Master runs off, like he always does.




Colony in Space

 Doctor Who goes into space and meets a huge Death Robot that tries to kill him with metal claws. He is mostly fine with this. For Doctor Who, avoiding robot death claws is like trying to fix a paper jam is for a normal person. Only not as annoying, now I come to think about it.

These are the guys who own the Death Robot. The one with the moustache is saying, "Why have we even got a Death Robot? Are we evil?"

The Captain - the one with terrible hair - is thinking, "We are evil, but I'd better not say."

After about five minutes, Jo gets captured by alien savages. She has so far been very polite and not mentioned how horrible their massive heads look.

The leader of the savages is this guy. His face is not good. It looks like a child tried to make a face out of clay, but then got bored.

Jo reacts to the leader's face like this.

Jo's interpersonal skills need considerable work.

Doctor Who, meanwhile, is having fun wandering around a quarry. He's having a nice time in this story. There are aliens all over the place, and the Brigadier isn't telling him what to do. Also, he's in space, which is his favourite place.

The alien priest guy is saying, "Please kill all the intruders now." He does a big dramatic flourish to prove that he means business.

I'm not sure it will work. The aliens on the left looks like they assume he's talking to someone else. The alien on the right is not paying attention at all. He's going over an argument he had earlier, and coming up with really good things he should have said.

Doctor Who turns up and says "Please don't kill Jo. She's very rude to aliens, but a) it's her first time in space and b) you do have a face that looks like someone threw up a cabbage and then put a cloak on it."

The aliens let them off, and everyone goes home. There's also some cool stuff with The Master and the evil guys from earlier, but it wasn't very visually pleasing, so I didn't take any photos. Sorry.





That'll do for Season 8, part two.


Season 8 Part Three is here.


Season 8 Part One is here.