Morning. My, you look most fine with the sun behind you like that.
I've decided to share my film collection with you. Why? I don't really know. I'm probably avoiding doing some real work.
What inspired me was looking at my collection, and thinking "Man, I've never seen some of these films. And there are some here I have seen, that I honestly can't remember whether I liked or not. Why do I have all these films? Why do I keep buying more?"
So I thought I'd have a little stream-of-consciousness ramble through my shelves. See what comes to mind. Maybe you will find it entertaining.
Here goes with Part One. Come with me, should the mood take you.
11.09.01
There's a few anomalies right here at the beginning of the alphabet. Things I wasn't sure where else to put. So we start with 11.09.01, which is a collection of short films about the 11th of September 2001.
It's a nice conceit. There are eleven short films, all of which last, I think, eleven minutes and nine seconds. And one frame? Maybe? Something like that. Clever. Or pretentious, depending on your mood.
The subject matter is necessarily tough going. Some of the films directly address the events of the day and have people going "Oh no, the horror, the horror". Some are really oblique and leave you trying to work out the connections. So if you don't like to work at your entertainment, probably give this a miss.
The one I remember best involves a black screen and lots of cross chatter from the emergency services on the day. The main takeaway here is that I'm very arty and have an impressive social conscience.
A Personal Journey with Martin Scorsese
I bought this when I was teaching film studies, in the hope that I could just put it on during classes and say, "Here, watch this while I go flirt with the admin staff."
Sadly, my students were unimpressed by an old owl-like man, shouting excitedly over black and white films and saying "Look at these shadows! Look at this camera angle! I am Catholic!" So I still had to explain what he was saying afterwards.
It's quite interesting, though Scorsese does go on a bit and all the films he talks about are super old. I would like a new version, where he has to watch the John Wick films.
Early Cinema - Primitives and Pioneers
Another hangover from my film teaching days. These are pretty good, though. Lots of early films, from the late 1800s and early 1900s. They are all about 30 seconds long, and they were made before anyone really knew what they were doing.
Subject matter is often banal, as the film makers were just excited to be pointing cameras at things. So you get films expressing ideas like, "Look - a wall!" or "Here comes a train!" or "This man has a hat!"
The titles are good though, and would provide a goldmine for people looking for names for their alternative rock band. Highlights include "Extraordinary Cab Accident", "Rough Sea at Dover", "Mary Jane's Mishap" and - best of all - "Sick Kitten".
About a Boy
Hurrah. An actual film. You've probably seen this one. Hugh Grant flops around the place being nice to a young boy so he can sleep with the boy's mother. I think. Is that how it goes?
I remember liking this a lot, and particularly enjoying the soundtrack, which is by Badly Drawn Boy. I went to see him in Leeds in the five minutes when that was a thing you might intentionally do. He was very entertaining and we missed the last train home.
Annoyingly, this DVD is packaged with Notting Hill. Nothing wrong with Notting Hill - it's very much the underappreciated "Hot Fuzz" to Four Wedding and a Funeral's "Shaun of the Dead". But it annoys me that I can't put it under "N" where it belongs.
Saw this once, ages ago. Jodie Foster tries to get justice against some guys who abused her. I assume she does. I can't remember. It's one of those films that everyone is impressed by because of its themes, so it's hard to recall if it's actually any good or just very worthy.
Jodie's always good, though, isn't she? So I assume it's good.
Adaptation
Crazy old Nicholas Cage has fun playing himself and his own brother, who happen to be the scriptwriters of this very film. It's one of Charlie Kaufman's clever postmodern films where the act of narrative itself is up for grabs.
I mostly like this. It's a bit drab, and claustrophobic. I think it's meant to be. And I like the clever stuff about how we construct stories. Plus there's some really funny dialogue. It's not as good as Eternal Sunshine - also by Kaufman - but it is way better than Synecdoche New York, or whatever that godawful self indulgent wankfest was called.
Adulthood
Not-as-good sequel to Kidulthood, whose inferiority is signalled by its not-as-clever title. Kidulthood is a smart play on the word "childhood". Adulthood is just a word.
It's not bad, I suppose. An attempt to represent diversity and youth culture in British cinema is a good idea. Maybe I'm just put off because a film about me would have to be called "GrouchyOldManHood".
Adventureland
I can't tell you a thing about this. I've seen it, but all that's left is a vague sensation that Michael Cera might be in it. And Jesse Eisenberg? And they're on holiday at an amusement park. Possibly. Or is that The Way Way Back?
Why make films that I can't even remember watching, world?
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Now this I remember liking a lot. Three drag queens ride round Australia in a bus. Something like that. And it's very colourful, and I think I watched it when I was feeling sad in 2010, and it cheered me up.
I do like films where prejudiced people get punched in the face. It's very pleasing to me, and makes me feel like I've done something to make the world better. When all I've really done is laugh because a bad man fell over.
I recommend this film. I should watch it again soon. I suspect it has many depths about which I've forgotten.
Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa
This is very enjoyable. It does a decent job of expanding a TV-Sized narrative to a Movie-Sized one. No easy task. Especially with comedy, which doesn't lend itself easily to the most obvious way of upping the ante - raising the threat level.
In fact, the film plays with this very idea - a provincial character forced to step into a world that is just slightly bigger than he is ready to face. The stakes are relatively small scale in film terms, but massive for him. That's pretty clever.
It's not the funniest Partridge has been, but it's good fun.
Alfie
A very good film and one I've watched a bunch of times. The first time I saw it I was surprised by how dark it got in places. Its image is all cheeky chappie, winks to camera, zooming round 60s London in fast cars and snogging dolly birds.
It does have some of that, and Alfie is often a fun, imitable character. But there's a deep sadness and emptiness here too, as I recall. Michael Caine is excellent, and you can see why he became the star he did.
The film is also notable, to me, for the dialogue snippets sampled on "Falling on a Bruise" by Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine, which I would like playing at my funeral.
Alien (and sequels)
In order of greatness, the original Alien films go
Aliens
Alien
Alien 3
Alien Resurrection
Aliens is top monster shooting action, with a great script, believable characters and loads of thrilling set pieces. When I first watched it, on VHS one evening in 1987, I was so excited I persuaded three of my friends to knock off school the next day to watch it again with me. And we were the good kids! Such is the power of Aliens.
Alien is pretty good, and massively important for the way it developed the language of science fiction cinema. But it's a bit slow, and the monster looks a bit stupid sometimes, and there is no shooting.
Alien 3 is one of those films I like or hate depending on my mood. Some bold and interesting decisions were made, and I admire the attempt to do things differently. It looks great. But I don't think anyone really believes that it works.
Alien Resurrection has some cool ideas, like the clone Ripleys and the underwater aliens. But it is, unfortunately, complete nonsense and has a stupid looking monster at the end that makes you wonder if you feel asleep and are now dreaming about a much worse sequel that would never get made in the real world.
All that said, I'd watch any of them again in a heartbeat.
All About Eve
I saw this once, at Cineworld ten years ago, when they were doing a thing called 'Classic Wednesdays'. It was a good idea - showing old black and white films to a generation who would only ever have seen them on TV screens.
I remember being very excited about how powerful the imagery was on the big screen, and properly starting to appreciate the art of lighting black and white photography.
However. I also fell asleep, so I can't remember what happened. It is not as good as Killing Eve. Which goes to show that you shouldn't make a story "all about" just one person.
Cineworld chickened out of their cool idea before too long. The last time I saw them doing a "Classic Wednesday", the film in question was Sex And The City.
Sex. And. The. City.
Right - that's your lot for now. See you later, for whatever comes next. Oh - it's clearly Almost Famous. Right.
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