Snubbing the Aliens

Ignore the aliens, and their spaceships 

Let their invasion plans proceed

They’re only looking for attention

If we go about our business

They’ll have no option but to leave

They simply can’t do an invasion

If we, as a people, all refuse

To look into their bulbous eyes

Do not look into the skies

Just stare intently at your shoes

If you do, by mischance, gaze aloft

Say something like, “It looks like rain,”

Ignore the fleet of spider spaceships

Our lack of care will 

Drive their reptile minds insane

The probably spent ages 

On those chunky nightmare UFOs

Painting them weird colours

And festooning them with guns and spikes

They’ll be furious at the squandered effort

The wasted time will make them cry

“Whose fault is this?” they’ll shout and scream

In cruel and hissing alien tongues

“Who forgot to turn the terror on?

Why do these humans look so calm?”

They’ll bicker and they’ll blame each other

While we show no signs of alarm

And if they start to blow apart

Our national monuments and statues

Exhibit nothing but relief

“They were getting in our way

In truth, it’s better to be free

Of these reminders of past troubles

Thank god there’s nothing, now, but rubble.”

Now, even if you die.

If zig-zag lasers strike you down

Try to carry on regardless

Limp or crawl, or, if dead, roll

Make it look like it’s a choice

Before we know it, they’ll go home

These aliens may be our superiors

In almost every key respect

Stronger, faster, much more sticky

Lesser worlds would fall quite quickly

But we are made of sterner stuff

We’ll act like nothing’s going on

As oceans boil and skies crack wide

We’ll maybe groan or tut or sigh

But we won’t give them the satisfaction

Of a terrified reaction

If they want to invade this world

We’ll make it slow and dull and tedious

We’ll grind them down with shrugs and sulking

Get the words wrong to their Galactic Anthem

A sort of low key disobedience

They’ll go back to outer space

And though they’ll technically have won

A hollow nagging doubt will fester

As they leave the smoking embers

Of our world, their mutant faces will be glum

The word will spread throughout the stars

“Don’t be tempted by that planet

They’re very mean about your spaceships

They scream, but I don’t think they mean it

They die in a sarcastic manner.”

Yes, the word will spread through all of space

And we’ll be left alone

We made the whole thing horrible

We took them to our leaders

And our leaders were unbearable

We made the message clear: 

Don’t invade the planet Earth

We can barely stand each other, and we live here

But for you… 

Well, for you

It’s honestly more bother

Than it’s worth.