Ignore the aliens, and their spaceships
Let their invasion plans proceed
They’re only looking for attention
If we go about our business
They’ll have no option but to leave
They simply can’t do an invasion
If we, as a people, all refuse
To look into their bulbous eyes
Do not look into the skies
Just stare intently at your shoes
If you do, by mischance, gaze aloft
Say something like, “It looks like rain,”
Ignore the fleet of spider spaceships
Our lack of care will
Drive their reptile minds insane
The probably spent ages
On those chunky nightmare UFOs
Painting them weird colours
And festooning them with guns and spikes
They’ll be furious at the squandered effort
The wasted time will make them cry
“Whose fault is this?” they’ll shout and scream
In cruel and hissing alien tongues
“Who forgot to turn the terror on?
Why do these humans look so calm?”
They’ll bicker and they’ll blame each other
While we show no signs of alarm
And if they start to blow apart
Our national monuments and statues
Exhibit nothing but relief
“They were getting in our way
In truth, it’s better to be free
Of these reminders of past troubles
Thank god there’s nothing, now, but rubble.”
Now, even if you die.
If zig-zag lasers strike you down
Try to carry on regardless
Limp or crawl, or, if dead, roll
Make it look like it’s a choice
Before we know it, they’ll go home
These aliens may be our superiors
In almost every key respect
Stronger, faster, much more sticky
Lesser worlds would fall quite quickly
But we are made of sterner stuff
We’ll act like nothing’s going on
As oceans boil and skies crack wide
We’ll maybe groan or tut or sigh
But we won’t give them the satisfaction
Of a terrified reaction
If they want to invade this world
We’ll make it slow and dull and tedious
We’ll grind them down with shrugs and sulking
Get the words wrong to their Galactic Anthem
A sort of low key disobedience
They’ll go back to outer space
And though they’ll technically have won
A hollow nagging doubt will fester
As they leave the smoking embers
Of our world, their mutant faces will be glum
The word will spread throughout the stars
“Don’t be tempted by that planet
They’re very mean about your spaceships
They scream, but I don’t think they mean it
They die in a sarcastic manner.”
Yes, the word will spread through all of space
And we’ll be left alone
We made the whole thing horrible
We took them to our leaders
And our leaders were unbearable
We made the message clear:
Don’t invade the planet Earth
We can barely stand each other, and we live here
But for you…
Well, for you
It’s honestly more bother
Than it’s worth.
