Good evening one and all. It's time for another erratic journey into the adventures of Doctor Who.
It's a typical evening in the TARDIS for Doctor Who and his lovely companion Sarah Jane Smith. They appear to be experiencing rather different levels of fun, don't they?
I don't know what Doctor Who has got his eye on, but it's clearly the best thing he has ever seen in his entire life. He's laughing like a madman, which can only mean that he's discovered somewhere incredibly dangerous and weird, and he's about to ask Sarah if they can go and play there please.
Sarah will probably say yes. She increasingly resembles a young mother who is running out of ways to keep her toddler occupied. Any distraction is welcome at this point - even a planet literally made of Evil.
After landing on the planet, Doctor Who and Sarah do an explore and discover a big pool of Definitely Evil Stuff.
It's quite pleasing that they do all their playing out together these days. In the old days, Doctor Who would wander off from his companions almost instantly and they would be forced to have their own adventures until he remembered they existed and came to find them. Nowadays everyone tends to stick together all the time - mostly because this version of Doctor Who simply cannot be trusted to go out unsupervised.
For example, it is very clear here that Doctor Who is seriously considering jumping into the pool to see what happens. Sarah is calmly explaining, yet again, that responsible adults don't spend all their time jumping into pools of Evil and what if it turns out to lead to another dimension? Has he even thought about that?
After a while, a Plot happens. Some quite dull Space Guys come along, and start moaning about how the planet is full of terrible invisible monsters or something, and all their friends are dying.
The guy in the middle is not, as his appearance would suggest, a director of low budget specialist erotica. Rather, he is some sort of Space Scientist. He wants to do lots of experiments and tamper with nature and all that. The incredibly old man on the left is saying, "Let's not tamper with nature and all that, because if we do, we will all definitely die."
Doctor Who has completely zoned out, as you can see. He is not interested even one bit in their problems. He's had loads of adventures that are about a million times as exciting as this, and these guys haven't even had the good grace to capture him and attach electrodes to his brain and accuse him of being a spy. Stupid boring space guys.
This is an excellent picture of Sarah Jane, isn't it? She's ever so well lit, and looks like she's having all the emotions.
I can't remember what she's looking at. Maybe the Planet of Evil has possessed her or something? That happens to Sarah a lot. Barely a day goes past where some kind of alien intelligence doesn't leap into her mind and tell her to murder everybody she meets.
At least, that's what Sarah tells everyone. Luckily for her, the villain is generally dead at the end of the story, and doesn't have chance to refute her oh-so-convenient alibi. "Possess her? No. I can't possess people. What's she said?"
Doctor Who has found a quite lovely Space Jungle, and is having fun exploring it. It's very colourful, and makes all sorts of weird noises. Also there's an enjoyable Invisible Death Beast thing floating around somewhere.
Usually Doctor Who loves this sort of thing, and can be found grinning like a lunatic as everyone is horribly killed all over the place. But he seems a bit sombre today, doesn't he? I think it's because there isn't a proper villain in this one.
He likes a villain does Doctor Who. They take everything very seriously and so they are very easy to wind up. This jungle is mysterious and a bit evil, but it's all rather abstract. You can't make trees cry, no matter how many times you veer off into another non-sequitur.
Eventually... well I'll be honest I can't quite remember. I think it turns out that the Planet of Evil is cross with the Space Guys, because they tried to steal some anti-matter, or something. Everyone has to decide if they want to a) steal the anti-matter and get sucked into another universe and die horribly or b) don't.
It's not massively involving, and you can kind of tell by the way everyone is reacting. Doctor Who and Sarah Jane look a bit concerned, but only about as much as you would be if you'd heard someone famous had died, but you kind of thought they'd died years ago, and now you're confused about how sad to be.
The Space Guys, meanwhile, are approaching the dilemma with all the drama of a quiz team trying to remember who played James Bond in the most films, Sean Connery or Roger Moore, and not able to agree whether to include 'Never Say Never Again.'
In the end, I think they choose to not die, and give the anti-matter back. Doctor Who has not had a very satisfying experience.
Cheer up, Doctor Who. Now you can say you defeated a whole Planet of Evil.
Just don't go into detail.
Want more? The previous story - Terror of the Zygons - is here!
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