Well hello there, you beautiful thing.
Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to show you some pictures. No, nothing frisky. These are pictures I took off the television, while I was watching old Doctor Who stories from the 1970s.
What do you mean why? Because it's awesome, that's why. And because now you can look at those pictures, and read my accompanying notes about what was happening in the story when the pictures were taken.
I've done my best to recount the basic events of the story, but I must admit, I sometimes get distracted, and confused. And consumed by the desire just to make bits up. I'm sorry. But, on the other hand, I'm not.
We're into the reign of Tom Baker, and this story is super good.
Genesis of the Daleks
Pow! This story is about some Space Nazis, and how one day they decided to make Daleks happen.
This guy in the middle is one of the top Space Nazis. He's called Nyder, and he's put a lot of effort into looking evil. He's dressed in super-severe black clothes, including the kind of gloves you'd wear if you were considering murdering a child. He's got nasty little glasses on. He's slicked his hair right back, to remind everyone that he means business, and is totally in charge of everything, and that includes which way his hair points.
And he's surrounded by shadowy soldier guys, who are excitedly shooting everyone they meet.
Excellent 'Being Evil', Mr. Nyder. Well done.
Sarah Jane Smith turns up, in a terrifying Forest Of Death. Once again, she's got separated from Doctor Who, and now she's lost in what looks like a 1970s Public Information Film about not playing near the Old Canal.
She's probably regretting her choice of clothing, now. What she needs is something understated, which could provide camouflage in the bleak, misty forest, while also suggesting, to anyone who does see her, that she might be a dangerous soldier or something.
What she's got is this bright yellow nonsense of a garment, which clearly signals, "Here I am. Come murder me in the woods."
After a bit, Sarah stumbles upon this guy. This is Davros, and he's the worst of the Space Nazis. Or the best, I suppose. He's very good at being a Space Nazi, and to prove it, he's invented a Dalek.
It looks like he's already had a go at making himself into a Dalek, but got bored half way through. He's only got the bottom half, you see. But his top half is just a regular person shape, albeit one with a hideous face.
Or maybe he was going to make all the Daleks like this, but then thought, Hang about! The bottom bit is great, and good for whizzing about and annoying Nyder. But how much better would it be if the top half was a massive turret with loads of guns sticking out of it?
It's a shrewd decision. If all the Daleks looked like Davros, you'd be able to see their faces. Which means you'd be able to see when they were anxious, or sad, or just not really paying attention. I think people would take them less seriously, and say, "I'm not obeying you - you look like you're on work experience."
Davros controls all the Daleks from here, on his built in desktop.
It's never specified what the buttons are all for. I assume some are for Evil purposes, like "Make Daleks Shoot Everyone" and "Release More Wolves". Then there must everyday, functional stuff to do with going to the toilet and such. And I'm assuming that one is some kind of bell, used for summoning Nyder and demanding more sandwiches.
It doesn't seem much, though, does it? You'd think he'd have an iPad or similar. How does he get any designing done? How would he lean over a desk to do drawings of guns and eyestalks? No workplace adjustments have been made! No wonder he became Evil.
Davros takes Nyder back to see all the leader guys of the planet, so he can demand they make more Daleks, and make him king, and call him Super Great Science Best Guy.
He looks fantastic here, doesn't he? Really iconic and menacing. It must be very inconvenient to have to live in a Dalek Skirt all day, and it must start to smell after a bit. But worth the price, I reckon, to look this cool when you come through doors.
Doctor Who is in this story too. He's on a mission, which is a bit unusual for him. Usually he just sort of collapses into a situation, randomly chooses a side to be on, and then spends the rest of the story being such a collosal nuisance that all the bad guys promise to behave from now on, and/or die.
Here, he's been sent to Change The Past. Apparently, in the future, The Daleks will become such a massive bunch of jerks that everyone decides it would be better if they literally never existed. So the Time Lords tell Doctor Who to go back into The Past and make them Never Have Happened.
They give him a pretty open brief on how to achieve this, but it's strongly implied that he employs the most violent tactics he can think of, and that no-one will really blame him if, for example, everyone on the planet ends up crying and on fire.
After a bit, Doctor Who gets captured. This always happens to him, generally because he's incapable of sneaking about and insists on bouncing into rooms and laughing and being weird at the villains. He's relatively unbothered about being caught. He's sort of listening to Davros, here, but he's also wondering what he'll do once he's escaped, and if this planet has anything resembling pubs or dog racing.
Davros, meanwhile, is shouting excitedly at Doctor Who, who he has discovered is from The Future. He's asking what The Future is like, and are there robots that look like people, and does he get famous for making the Daleks, and do they make films about him, and who plays him in the film, and does he ever get a girlfriend, and how does Nyder die?
Nyder and Davros have clearly had some kind of massive argument here, and it's hard to tell who is being more immature about it. Nyder, at least, looks like he wants to talk it over, even though that's probably just so he can use some of the passive aggressive comments he's got lined up. Davros is plainly just engaged in a massive sulk, but will definitely deny it if he's asked and say he's fine.
I can't remember what they're sad about. I think maybe Nyder is sick of Davros going on about the Daleks all the time, and what can they do that's so great, and when's the last time a Dalek helped him fill in a funding application?
Doctor Who makes a massive bomb which will kill all the Daleks forever. Here we see him with the wires that will make the bomb explode. But - oh no! - he's having an Ethical Dilemma.
Doctor Who doesn't know if he should go around murdering everyone, just because they might annoy some other guys in the future. This is quite a change from how he used to be when he was Doctor Who Number Two. He was basically a psychopath, and liked nothing better than to destroy entire civilisations and would often laugh hysterically while doing so.
Sarah has no time for this nonsense, and is whispering, "Do it. Kill them. They're scum." Harry, meanwhile, appears to have only just realised what the basic premise of the story is, and is saying things like, "Steady on old chap," and, "Careful with those wires!"
Anyway. Doctor Who doesn't go through with it, possibly because his stories with the Daleks in are often the most fun, and always the most popular. Destroying them would seriously hit his income streams, and also it would mean that the Cybermen would become his Number One Foes, and they'd be insufferable about it every time he saw them.
As it happens, the bomb goes off accidentally anyway, and doesn't make much difference. So the whole thing was a total waste of everyone's time.
That's the end of this story.
