It's time for more photos from old Doctor Who, accompanied by vague recollections of what's meant to be happening.
Admit it. You find it sexy.
Carnival of Monsters
This story is great. It's very colourful and has some crazy old ideas going on.
For example. We meet this lady, who I think is called Shirna. Her job is to go to planets and do a special dance. Then, when people look at her and say, "What's going on with the dance and the trousers and frankly all your fashion choices?" she says, "Please play with my computer. It has tiny people inside. Five pounds please."
These are the guys who live on the planet. They are wondering if they want to play with Shirna's computer, and see the tiny people inside it. I don't think they will. They are super grey, which suggests that they are awful people who hate colour, fun and weird stuff happening. They are not going to enjoy this story.
Meanwhile, Doctor Who and Jo have arrived on a boat. For a while, you think, "Well, they have landed in the wrong story. This is not the same at all."
Soon, a massive hand with badly manicured nails steals the TARDIS. Doctor Who and Jo react by looking on with mild interest, as if they're watching some mid-price fireworks.
The giant hand turns out to belong to these guys. The TARDIS was inside their computer, you see. Everyone is amazed, though it's not clear why. They've got a magic computer that shrinks things and keeps them inside it for you to look at - surely this happens a lot?
The guy with the ridiculous hat is called Vorg. He's either Shirna's boss, or lover, or both. It's never made clear. They certainly share the same terrible dress sense, and I'm assuming no-one else would have them on this basis, so let's assume lovers.
Doctor Who and Jo run around inside the computer for a bit. They are still tiny, you see. It's a very beautiful computer, and lots of fun to run about in. They are thinking, "Maybe we could live here. No-one would ever be able to find us to make us do work, and the wallpaper is great!"
However, soon Doctor Who and Jo run into this guy. He's a Drashig. And he's delighted to be a Drashig. "Raaar!" he goes. He lives inside the computer as well, and clearly loves it.
Later, he is joined by some of his mates. They appear to have been drinking for quite some time, and are having a smashing afternoon. Well the two on the left are, anyway.
The one on the right does not understand what is happening, but wants to be involved. He's just randomly shouting, "Yeah!" and "I think that too!" and trying to join in the singing.
The Drashigs escape into the computer, and completely take over the story. They go rampaging all over the place. This one has broken into the bit of the computer where the boat lives. This guy is attacking him with a machine gun! Get off my boat, you giant monster!
This is the greatest story ever.
The grey guys realise that the story is completely out of their control. The one on the left is shouting, "Why is the place suddenly full of computers with tiny people and monsters inside, and vagrants in awful clothes dancing about on the outside?"
The one in the middle doesn't know, and just wants to cry, and actually maybe is crying.
The story ends when a Drashig jumps out of the computer, and goes all big, and eats some of the grey guys. He is delighted, and starts shouting into the camera. "Tune in next week for more fun adventures with the Drashigs!"
I don't know what's happened to Doctor Who. He can't have gone - there's his TARDIS. Oh well. I'm sure he'll turn up eventually and claim complete victory over everyone and demand some cheese.
Frontier in Space
This week, Doctor Who has taken Jo to the future, to meet these green alien guys. They are called Draconians, and they sure know how to dress. Look at those shoulder pads! They must be constantly taking each others' eyes out.
Doctor Who goes "Hello, I am in charge, please take me to your Emperor and bring me a platter of cold meats." The Draconians were going to kill him for being a spy, but he is super confident, so they just do as he says.
Meanwhile this Draconian guy has gone to see the President of Earth, who is a woman, because it is the future and that's allowed now.
He is saying, "Shall we have a war with each other, with spaceships and lasers?" She is saying, "No, let's stay in."
The man looking out of the window is thinking, "Boring. If I was in charge, we would have a war with spaceships and lasers every day. It would be ace."
Soon, Ogrons attack! You may or may not remember the Ogrons from the story where the Daleks have conquered the Earth in the future, but insist on going back into the past to extra-conquer it, because they are jerks.
These Ogrons are having an amazing time. They are charging about in a car park, doing villain stuff. The one on the left looks like he's going to murder everyone he meets today, starting right now, and starting with us.
The other one is less bothered about murder. He's thinking, "Here we go again, with the murder." But he knows it will make his friend happy, and that's something, at least.
Everyone is convinced that Doctor Who is a spy, so they put him in this machine. It is meant to be reading his mind, so everyone will find out what kind of spy he is.
Instead it rather looks like he is being played really loud experimental rock while, at the same time, going through an argument he had with the Master in his head, and thinking of clever retorts he should have said.
Speaking of The Master, here he is! He wants to know if Jo wants to come and play with him in his spaceship. She is not convinced. The Master is wearing an extra stupid anorak thing, and also he keeps trying to murder everyone. But on the other hand, it is something to do.
One of the best things about The Master is that, no matter the adventure, he always makes room for some me-time. Here we see him reading a book about aliens invading Earth. He's probably thinking, "Yeah, it's alright for you - you haven't got Doctor Who ruining it all by blowing things up and calling you Stupid Beardy Loser Face."
At some point, the Draconians capture Doctor Who and The Master. That guy on the right is the Emperor, I think. He's asking them to explain the plot. He's right to do so - this story is quite nuanced and it's not entirely clear who the bad guys are. Also, I've almost definitely got some of the events in the wrong order.
Doctor Who and The Master then spend quite some time saying things like, "The Master started it," and "It was Doctor Who's idea," and "Why aren't the Ogrons in trouble as well? They were using guns and everything."
The Master runs off, and so Doctor Who teams up with the Draconians and the Earth guys to go find him.
The Draconian is looking at the Earth guy's hat, and Doctor Who's wizard cape, and thinking, "These people are very embarrassing. I am never going to tell anyone I went on this stupid mission. In fact, I hope we die."
To everyone's delight, the Daleks turn up. They appear at the top of this cliff, shouting, "IT IS US! AMAZING SURPRISE! DANCE WITH EXCITEMENT!"
The one on the right looks a little less confident, though. He's just thinking, "We are very close to the edge of this cliff, and I don't have a very clear sense of where I am, spatially, what with seeing through this eyestalk thing."
There is then a lot of running around, which results in Doctor Who getting hurt and The Master disappearing. The Daleks run off, so they can get to their next story early. It is all about them, and they are super excited.
Find out what happens in the following episode - Planet of the Daleks - coming soon!
If you enjoyed this, why not go back in time to Season 10 - Part One
Or forward, to Season 10 - Part Three
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