Klaatu Barada Nikto

I have reached the point on Friday where there is no chance whatever of me doing anything useful. So I thought I'd share something with you. And by 'you' I mean 'whoever'. I don't know who you are. You're a stranger to me; a weird voyeur, seeing yet unseen. You could even be naked. I would never know.

The thing I want to share is this. A year ago a friend and I played a game via email whereby we had to come up with a Star Wars dictionary, one letter at a time. The game was called Klaatu Barada Nikto and was, in my opinion, quite fun and so I'm going to share my favourites with you. By odd co-incidence, my favourites are all the ones I did, and none of the ones my friend did. Take that, objectivity.

This will also be my first attempt to include pictures in my blog. So if you clicked on this and your screen simply started vomiting colours at you, that's probably my fault.

A

Admiral Ackbar

Apparently for your last ditch attempt to destroy an evil empire, using every resource at your disposal in the desperate hope that you will win against impossible odds, what you really want – what you really NEED – is to be led into battle by a big red fish.

Antony Daniels

The closest thing Lucasfilm has to a whore. He is in absolutely everything even vaguely connected with the films. I don’t know what on earth he does with the rest of his time, but it’s clearly not very fulfilling. I imagine he hangs around Skywalker ranch all day, every day, waving his arms around and desperately hoping someone will commission a new series of Droids. He was probably in the development meetings for the prequels saying things like ‘I think maybe Threepio should win the podrace’ or ‘maybe Threepio should be the one to impregnate Amidala’. He’s also the one you can always find at interviews, on press releases and in commentaries, talking up the significance of his shiny alter-ego. The other day I was whistling to myself, and he popped out of the fridge, shouting ‘What is it now Artoo?’ and looking hopeful. Sad, really.

More soon.