Christians Against Everything

Morning everyone. My you look fine in those spectacles.


I've written a new poem and I thought I'd share it with you. I'm hoping it will make you love me more, and think of me as a deep, interesting, soulful kind of man. As opposed to the ramshackle-idiot-falling-down-a-hill that I actually am.


I wrote it for a charity gig I did on Saturday. That's right -charity! Not only am I a poet (amazing) but also I do things for charity (selfless). If you would like a picture of me to hang above your fireplace, I would totally understand.


The charity in question is called Christians Against Poverty. They help people get out of debt - people who might lose their homes, or wind up at food banks, that sort of thing. I'm not sure how they help. They don't give them money, I know that much. I think it's more to do with putting them in touch with the right people, writing letters, helping them plan finances - that kind of thing. It sounds hard, doesn't it? That's why I support them by showing off on a stage, which is loads easier.


Their website is here, if you're interested.

The name is weird, though, isn't it? Christians Against Poverty. It kind of suggests that there are some Christians out there who are very firmly in favour of poverty. Maybe there are. It's a funny old world. And Christians can be a right lot of jerks, much of the time. But these guys are good. They're what I think Christians probably should be like.


Here's the poem.




Christians Against Everything

The meeting of Christians Against Everything closes

With a list of the things they think Jesus opposes

There are Christians against dancing

There are Christians against joy

Christians against boys who would kiss other boys

Christians Against Fast Food

Christians Against Pride

Christians against Meetings - they sit outside

Christians Against Words like Nipple and Bum

There are Christians against everything under the sun

There’s the Christians against noise

And the Christians against silence

And they’re kept from fighting

By the Christians against violence

They meet once a week

With their various phobias

In a ten minute hate

That makes everything cosier

But tonight something happens that spoils all their fun

The door swings wide open

Just as the meeting is done

There stand some newcomers

A group everyone knows

And someone quite audibly whispers “Oh no”

It’s the Christians Against Poverty

Not them.

The Christians Against Confrontation try to creep out of the meeting

The Christians Against Swearing try to bite back expletives

The Christians Against Lateness point out the time

The Christians Against Noise do an elaborate mime

The message is clear, we don’t want to listen

To the things you guys hold in opposition

Cause the Christians Against Poverty aren’t like the rest of em

They’ve looked at the world and they’ve read the New Testament

They’ve come to the conclusion that yes, there are battles to fight

And it’s good to oppose things that clearly aren’t right

But if you’re in a fury at all the gays on TV

When there’s people at food banks just to get through the week

Then perhaps your priorities have gone somewhat astray

Between the things that should make you cry

And the things you just didn’t like anyway

The Christians Against Alcopops might have a point

But if there’s no anger at homelessness

That thinking’s out of joint

You can hate Iron Maiden if you think that will help

But there’s people in this city who can’t afford milk

The crowds at the meeting shuffle their feet

This kind of defiance isn’t easy or cheap

It’s not shouting at TV screens

Or ranting online

It’s giving. It’s feeling. It’s touching. It’s trying.

The hall slowly empties. The Christians Against Making Difficult Decisions went first.

A few stay behind and prepare for the worst.

The vision is clear. The vision is simple.

Christians Against Debt. Unemployment. Addiction.

Against a world where this isn’t everyone’s mission.

Against a world where

‘Against Poverty’

Needs to be added to the word Christian.