But Who Will Sing For Richard Neale?

Time for one of those rare blogs that isn't about death and existential angst. Who do we have to thank for this reprieve? None other than local songsmith and generally decent human being, the improbably bequiffed  Ric Neale.

This is Ric. He's trying to guess what instrument it is by touching it.

He thinks it's a harpsichord. He's close!

Ric has written, recorded and released an album of songs he wrote on his piano and sang with his voice. It's quite nice and you can find it using this link, should you so desire.

Click me to hear "All That Counts"

Anyway, that's not why we're really here. "Yes, yes," you think, "This stuff about Richard Neale is all very well Rob, but isn't there something brilliant you did which we can talk about instead?"

Glad you asked. For the album launch, Ric asked - nay demanded - that I perform a specially written poem, all about him. What a raging egotist! Luckily for him, so am I, and I quickly worked out that I could steal some of the attention rightly due to Ric by writing such a poem.

I read the poem out at the launch. Everyone agreed it was the best thing about the night and that really it would have been better if the evening was just about me, and not featured any piano at all. I'm pretty sure that's what they were saying. I did drink quite a lot of wine.

Anyway, here's the poem. If you don't know Ric, it will be almost completely meaningless. But hey - so is most of life. Don't blame me.

Poem For Ric Neale

I gaze into the perfect eyes of the man I most admire

His enviable hairline and finely chiselled face tell me

Everything is possible when in the presence of his holy fire

 

This is where I go when I want to know what’s real

I am standing before a full length mirror

My name is Richard Marshall Neale

 

I am no mortal man but rather

A being of infinite grace and wonder

Music flows from my fingers like dead skin drops from yours

Harmony and grace spring like beautiful sweat from my invisible pores

  

My voice is fine wine to your unworthy ears

My music an expensive meal

I’m the reason God invented tears

I am Richard. Marshall. Neale

 

Desired by women,

Envied by blokes

I’m Jimmy Carr with better jokes

 

I love Tom Cruise

For whom I’m often mistaken

I wrote and directed the Force Awakens

 

I’m Captain Kirk if he was cuter

I’m Paul McCartney’s music tutor

 

I’m not *the* God but I’m probably one of them

Did I ever tell you I played for Jason Donovan?

 

It’s impossible to fathom my unstoppable appeal

I am the alpha and omega

I am Ric Neale

 

I am the power

I am the glory

I am the literally never ending story

 

I’m impervious to bullets

I do not feel pain

I cannot be made wet by rain

 

I’m like Jesus but more tuneful

I’m like love only more truthful

I’m All the Young Dudes if the dudes were more youthful

 

I will be here when the human race has died away

In the ruins of these cities my songs will still play

 

Free of you peasants, finally unbound

My brilliant voice the only human sound

 

Carving statues of myself out of the trees

Finally happy in a world made of me

  

I am the full, not the partial, deal

I am the one, the only, Richard Marshall Neale